Eat, Love and Maybe Pray

I know that book reviews are not my thing, nor are religious discussions or pontifications. But I was isolated in a cottage on a small, remote lake in Michigan when I started this, so there was not too much else to do. Plus, I had just finished reading "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert, and since I had already declared on facebook that I craved wine and pasta in Italy and found yoga boring in India, then that left me with Indonesia. But, given this is a family friendly blog, I didn’t think it was appropriate to share what I was really thinking about after Bali, and so I turned to the spiritual aspect of the book -- which is the primary theme running through every chapter, every word.

It's been a long time (probably since grad school when I was armed with a highlighter 24/7) that I felt the need to record a written passage or bookmark a page for future reference. But I will admit, I turned down the corner on several pages in this book because Gilbert’s views and experiences on spirituality (delivered in humor and sincerity and not under the context of a major branded religion) not only kept my interest, but led to several “AH-HA” moments for me that I didn’t want to forget. From rituals around joy and pain to loosing and choosing religion to the power of prayer, her insight (or some might just say opinion) on these matters, told in such a pragmatic and universal way, became way too easy for me to relate to. And then, it gotten me thinking about my own world.

It’s no secret. Andy and I have not properly introduced religion into our kid’s lives, and we both know we are doing them a disservice. It needs to be addressed sooner than later –- especially given Avery is now three, and we can no longer use the excuse that we are doing the pulpit a favor by not bringing a screaming baby to church. However, both of us have always felt (and I feel like this book suggests as well) that faith is not found within walls or doctrines, but in personal beliefs and your personal connection with the god or gods your choose to experience. But investigating our religious options and discovering the best journey to spirituality for us (as well as Alex and Avery) is a big (and heavy) task that has become easier to put off than face, and seems out of place in our every day parental to-do list. “Selecting appropriate god” should take priority over “make first dentist appointment for Avery,” but the latter can be checked off with a simple phone call.

So if anything, the book has served as a trigger. I still might not be prepared to fully act, but now I am ready to think. It has heightened my awareness, reminding me that promoting faith can no longer be an afterthought or something I do internally or listed as a project to tackle once we have finished the basement. It has to be part of our lives, even if in its smallest, most undefined form. And it is our job to do it.

At the same time, I know I can at least start acting on a more subtle lesson from the book: to find peace and contentment in the now; to not obsess (or worry) about what you should have and who you should be and where you should go.

As I sat disconnected from everything that usually consumes me for the third straight morning in a row, watching my children laugh and play in the water and my husband relax with a simple fishing pole, I knew then it was about the small moments and that I should no longer rush them. I know this is not a unique thought, but an epiphany most folks have while on vacation. And I think that is why we cash in all our PTO days for an annual (if not more frequent) reminder.

So on that day I vowed to put away my camera (as you know, a big sacrifice for me) and did my best to NOT think about how a moment would be interpreted or cherished in a photo album 40 years from now (or even instantly on faceboook), but how I could get more out of that moment by just mentally taking in the laughter, the smiles, the sweetness, the adventurousness and the silliness that was right in front of me.

Day 2 and Counting

Watched Alex get on the bus for the second time this week. Took Avery to the bike trail. Grabbed coffee, milk and muffins at Blue Chip. Followed that up with some playtime at Nisbet Park. Returned home by noon to meet Alex at the bus stop. This is something I could get used to …

And don't worry. I don't plan on posting a recap and photo for each day on the school calendar. Just getting it out of my system now.

When Clean is Not Enough

Andy and I love music. All kinds. Still can’t get enough of old school rap, early grunge or Madonna (ok, at least me on that one), but we are also big fans of all the less popular or emerging artists. Neko Case, Swell Season, Ray Lamontagne and She and Him (or anything Uncle Jordan recommends) are most played on my iTunes. Plus, we do not shy away from Top 40, especially music that leans more toward hip hop than America Idol. And we have introduced it all to our kids, as we want them to know more than “Wheels on the Bus” and the “Team Work” song from Wonder Pets.

So our summer song of choice for running, car rides and about anything else has been Eminem and Rihanna’s “Love the Way You Lie.” And in our attempt to be good parents, we downloaded both the “explicit” and “clean” versions and would play the appropriate track pending our audience. Again, let me stress, that is all we thought we had to do to be good parents. But maybe not …

If anyone has read CNN.com or any other media outlet over the past few weeks you might be aware of a little controversy around the song (similar to the controversy that has surrounded both artists in real life) related to its underlying domestic violence theme. Are they promoting it? Are the condemning it? Is it a symbolic public service announcement? Or an irresponsible rant glorifying abusive behavior? Which leads me to wonder ... is the clean version clean enough? Is just silencing the f-bombs make it OK or are the other words in this song more offensive and damaging?

Like any good rap song, it takes at least 30 plays to fully understand the words, and therefore, sometimes the meaning. So after about a month of having Alex and Avery dance and sing along in the backseat (Alex mimics the boy part; Avery the girl part), I had to hit pause and switch playlists permanently, fearful they would take some of their newly memorized lyrics and recite them in a different situation or different context (or actually tuck them away in the back of their minds and have them emerge later in life sending us all to therapy).

Despite the catchy (and somewhat cute when Avery sings it in her baby doll voice) refrain, “Just going to stand there and watch me cry /that’s all right because I love the way you lie,” the closing line of the song, “next time she leaves I’ll tie her to the bed and set this house on fire,” is so wrong on so many levels I now cringe a bit when listening to it alone. Luckily, kids (or at least my kids) seem to learn things in order. Like they knew ABC, but struggled to get XYZ right when first singing the alphabet song. I am hoping this cognitive pattern still holds true, and the final verse, or a few other questionable lines peppered throughout, never entered their budding psyche.

As for us, we will be doing a full review of our iTunes catalog – beyond profanity – and may give in and download Kidz Bop 18 just to be safe.

First-Day-of-School Coma

Just like after a big meal, I am feeling a bit tired, un-motivated, helpless and yet satisfied. With such a mental build-up and a lengthy Kindergarten preparation to-do list (which included ordering a new back pack, buying supplies, signing forms, calling the department of transportation, organizing Alex’s schedule with Prodigy, going to open house, coloring the first picture to be hung in the hallway outside room 22, calling the department of transportation again, getting a good night’s sleep, getting dressed and not getting toothpaste on your new shirt, searching the house high and low for a safety pin, taking a few photos, walking to the bus stop, taking a few more photos, meeting a new friend and finally jumping on the bus – without hesitation or concern; only with excitement), the walk back home for me was a bit anticlimactic. No tears from Alex. No tears from me. All that is left to do is sit and wait. Maybe call Prodigy at noon to confirm Alex’s arrival. Definitely post the best 4-5 pictures of this milestone on facebook (like everyone else did this week).

I have my coffee. I have little stress. I have Alex’s baby book sitting next to me for a quick peek down memory lane if needed. But I really can’t wait to have him home tonight to hear all about his first day of school.

Click here for more photos.

Let It Breathe!

I have been a volunteer with the Cystic Fibrosis (CF) Foundation for just over two years. I cannot think of a better way to spend my extra time (and some may say talents) giving to such a worthy and special cause, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t strategically pick their annual wine tasting fundraising event as my main area of focus. Our committee has been working hard these past 10 months, and we are just 24 days away. So if I have not shamelessly plugged this event enough, allow me to do it one more time.

If you live in the greater southwest Ohio area, then don’t miss “Let It Breathe” on Thursday, September 16 at 6:30 pm. Highlights this year include: wine AND microbrew tastings, food pairings by a variety of Greater Cincinnati Independents Restaurants (GCI), Paul Otten as the entertainment and, dear to our hearts, the event is being held at the Bell Event Center (or as it read on our wedding invitation, the Verdin Bell and Clock Museum).

My commitment to the CF Foundation can best be told by the story of Lilly Straley. Watch a short video on The Lilly Life. Learn more about Cystic Fibrosis. And order event tickets online.

Testing All Moms: School Supplies

I have already done a few ridiculous things for my kids’ education (like camp out at 6:00 am for pre-school sign-up) and I am pretty sure there will be plenty more in my future. This week, it was the kindergarten school supply scavenger hunt. Sure, it sounds like an easy assignment for an aspiring “on-top-of-it-all” kindergarten mom, but it came with more challenges, frustration and bleak moments of facing failure than expected.

I’ll admit, I was working on my back-to-school to-do list a bit later than planned (today is Saturday and school starts on Wednesday), but it is not out of procrastination, but due to a work trip and an end of summer vacation that consumed most of my days in August. But, worth noting, the “official” kindergarten packet, that includes teacher names, classroom assignments, bus schedules and the infamous list of school supplies, did not arrive until last week when we were in Michigan.

So today, I felt the pressure to get my butt in gear and build off a generous head start given to me by Cherylanne, who proactively bought a few extra supplies for any of her slacker neighbors. However, after five stores I came to two big conclusions: 1) I needed to shift my shopping priorities, as I only had three Polo shirts and three pairs of plaid shorts in my bag (bought with the intent to mix and match until I created the perfect first day of school outfit), and 2) some of the items on the list must be fictional, as I had located only one of the assigned supplies. Two more stores and two desperate texts for help later, I was finally down to one last item – the FISKARS child size pointed scissors. It is important to note here that we must buy the exact brand (it has to be an Elmer’s glue stick) and size (it has to be the .77 ounce glue stick) on the supply sheet, which created more issues than my tardiness. All I can guess is that there is some sort of conspiracy (or sick joke) with the school supply powers-that-be, because (believe it or not) if Office Depot carries the 12-pack of Ticonderoga pencils, then they don’t stock the 16-pack of Crayola crayons. Move on to Target. Manufactures, store managers and teachers must be laughing everyone.

But not to be defeated – even after three painful hours of shopping– I came home and went to my old standby. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before, but like always, Amazon Prime saved the day by offering the complete FISKARS collection and free two-day shipping. Now, Alex is set for his first day of school and I am already dreading my next assignment.

Gone Fishing

I didn’t realize how repetitive our days were at Little Paw Paw Lake until I posted the pictures. Needless to say, we did some fishing. We did some hanging out at the lake. We did some daytrips into town (South Haven or Saugatuck). And we did some more hanging out at the cottage, where each night ended with a Pixar and Tudors double feature. Obviously, the later came on once all little ones were fast asleep. But the routine was relaxing, a bit mindless, and totally enjoyable to Alex and Avery. For a last minute get-a-way, not sure the environment could have been better.

However, worth noting so we don’t falsely start a tourisism boom in the small and un-prepared town of Coloma, our rental house, and its thin piece of land leading to the lake, may have been the best there was to offer. I loved the updated gourmet kitchen, the oversized sectional sofa (might have spent more time on it than the dock), the rehabbed bath and all the other indoor amenities. I loved our big yard, tall trees, rickety dock, small patch of sand and the three feet deep waters, but when outside, we did our best to have tunnel vision and keep blinders on to what was on the right or left of our little stretch of heaven. Without being too mean to the locals, we might have been one dead deer shy of Deliverance. Didn’t really get that full impression until I went on my first (and last) morning run, but my thoughts were confirmed by Andy who went on an adventure or two when looking for a local bait shop. I would be lying if I said we didn’t take turns sleeping in the kids’ room just in case the man living three doors down was throwing away body-parts in his dumpster like I immediately assumed.

But all my exaggerated fears aside – and luckily none were passed on to the kids – it was a great trip on a quaint little lake (and only five hours away). In our cottage was a sign that read “When you are Lucky Enough to Live on the Lake, You are Lucky Enough.” We loved that sign, and until we feel compelled to roll over the 529s into some type of investment real estate fund, I guess our slogan will just have to be “when you are lucky enough to spend five days on the lake with your two sweet kids, you are lucky enough.”

Click here to see pictures from our trip to Little Paw Paw Lake in Michigan. And look below for a video of Avery’s big catch.

Lunch or Dinner for Four

Van Buren State Park was a bust, but our lunch at Clementine’s, in downtown South Haven, may have been the best meal we have ever had with the kids in a restaurant since they were in my womb. After discovering there were no hiking trails, just pathways to 100 campsites and their private beach (without being snobby, you can guess why we left), we headed back into South Haven for a late lunch (or as the server kept saying, early dinner). In either case, we logged over 105 minutes at the table that included soup, an appetizer, a few rounds of cocktails, a few rounds of chocolate milk, plenty of coloring and a mid-day meal of some sort. It really may have been my best dining experience in years, as Andy bravely and successfully took both kids to the bathroom and they sat three aside opposite me in the booth reading our newly purchased Nick Jr. Hispanic collection (six Sponge Bob and Blues Clues books written in Spanish for only $10. What a deal! And proving that Alex and Avery are bilingual or just that far away from reading they do not know the difference). That left me a single rider for a majority of the time (no kids hanging on my arm or stealing my fries) where I actually finished both halfs of my delicious Turkey Barnyard sandwich and ordered another Oberon with no hesitation.

Although we were disappointed we didn’t squeeze any hiking into this trip, we are glad to see we are back in business when it comes to good food outside our home. Look out restaurant week!

All by Ourselves

Kids will still fight. Kids will still whine. Kids will still get injured. They will still need baths. They will still need to be fed. They will still painfully debate over who will be Boots and who will be Backpack in the Dora Special Edition of Candyland. They will still pee the bed. And I will still do laundry at 3 am. But the difference is, when on vacation, we now have the time and patience to deal with it. Whether it is the fact I can sleep in (until 8 on a good day), have no work stress (or at least pressing work stresses) or that there is just nothing (I mean nothing) on the agenda for any of our afternoons, these activities which usually cause my blood pressure to go up and my nerves to come undone, just seem much more doable on vacation.

And this was the point of our trip. For the first time in five years – excluding a weekend in Indy – we went on vacation by ourselves. No grandparents. No cousins. No friends. No Aunts and Uncles. No help. No free babysitting. No group play. No big crowds around a bonfire late at night. Just Andy and I and the two little ones we unfortunately do not get to see as much as we like during our normal hectic, employed full-time and more, lives. And with this I left my work laptop at home, along with the desire to clean, organize closets, plan for kindergarten (Ok, I did some of that), mentally design and decorate my future dining room and check in with work every ten minutes even when I am off duty because my office is always just ten feet away. And with that, we re-discovered how funny, sweet, OLD, talkative and entertaining our kids are … that Alex has hair (I mean real little boy hair) on his legs and the highlight in his life thus far (or at least in the past three months) is bowling a 107 and that Avery’s favorite color is purple (not pink) and she wants to get married, have babies and take those babies to a lake on vacation someday. This trip can only get better and more interesting despite having to play referee, nurse and cleaning lady every now and then. It is all so well worth it.

Lounging at Little Paw Paw Lake

So a few days ago Andy and I, the kids and over half our personal belongings headed north to seclude ourselves in a remote cottage on Little Paw Paw Lake. Once again, more toys and food, as well as house cleaning and medical supplies, got packed in the car than really needed.

We are about 20 minutes south of South Haven – a cute little beach town we are familiar with on lake Michigan – and booked this house on the fact it was 1) on a lake with a dock, 2) had granite counter tops in the kitchen and 3) was available. We are still getting to know the very non-touristy town of Coloma, where the cottage is located, but love the fact we are a quick drive to some of our favorite western Michigan hot spots. It’s just Andy, myself and the kids, which means plenty of downtime and we are operating on only our schedule. I have had a few moments to write (along with read, watch TV, play baseball with Alex, play cards with Avery and just stare at blue waters), but little time to actually post anything. I’ll get some things up when I can, but photos and spell check will come once we are back in Cincinnati. I don’t travel with my USB cord for downloading pictures and I know for sure I will need to do some proofreading when I no longer have my first “vacation” drink at noon.

It’s All About the Accessories

Someone in our house is learning that lesson early on. Avery likes to wear my watch, bracelets and rings (don’t tell Andy), but it looks like she might have a more creative side when it comes to making sure her outfits have the right pop, especially if compensating for what could be considered (by a three year old) to be drab, boring or just “not girly” enough. Case in point ... her floral board shorts and matching navy and purple swim shirt. This was the only clean option in the house and was a must wear on my end as we needed to scurry home from daycare, perform a quick wardrobe change and meet at the pool for lessons. Avery had other thoughts (along with a very vocal and animated protest) indirectly associated with the fact I was behind on laundry and directly related to fact this outfit did not have the flare, twirl or pink she was so desperately craving. To get out the door in a timely (and quiet) fashion, I conceded by taping Disney Princesses valentines all over her bathing suit.

So I am not sure if I am bothered by all this because I caved and allowed my daughter to appear in public with small pieces of pink paper pinned to her body or that I really don’t know where this child is coming from? If someone would have told me as a young girl that I could swim in shorts and a t-shirt, then my self-esteem and my opinion of public pools would have been much higher. In any case, it is just becoming more and more obvious that this apple fell extremely far from the tree and I got myself a girly girl.

Keeping Up With the Muses

Don't let this title fool you. There is a Toyota Matrix in our driveway.

But given we are already two months into summer and I was coming up on a weeklong work trip, I thought I would do the next to impossible – which is why I do not do it too often anymore – and keep the kids home with me two Fridays ago to attempt to balance work, life and that pressing thing called motherhood.

I skipped my morning bike ride with the ladies to get a head start on my work day to make sure I could carve out a few guilt free hours and leave my office duties behind. I still had my share of con-calls and newsletters, which meant the kids still had a handful of Disney shows and some rare moments of independent (from me) and cooperative (with each other) play, but in between I got some pool time, lunch time, snuggle time and play time.

One lesson I learned early is that Alex is almost completely self-sufficient. Not sure if this happened over night (and next week I will discover he is shaving and doing long division, too), but other than having me put his waffle in the toaster, he managed his day very maturely and independently … watching MLB highlights, playing his leapers, reading books and tossing the ball with himself in the front yard. If it was not against some state law, then I am not sure I needed to be there.

The second lesson I learned is that Avery is still so far from self-sufficient. Despite her growing vocabulary (there is no question in what she wants when she screams “I want fruit snacks”), her well developed motor skills (I am no longer fearful of her falling when she scales the kitchen cabinets to find fruit snacks) and her increased deductive reasoning skills (if mommy is in the office, then I can sneak behind the couch to eat five bags for fruit snacks without anyone knowing), these abilities only add to (not lessen) a harried day to entertain, pacify, clean up after and (when needed) properly discipline an energetic and explorative three year old.

She took me on a roller coaster of laughter and frustration, which peaked when she discover a lingerie drawer that I had long forgotten and when she covered her body (from head to toe) with a red Cinderella stamp, but it was well worth it and much needed for me to keep up with the kids … and that includes literally keeping up with Avery.