Not too much to report on this one. Wish I could give a play-by-play of Alex’s first trip to Andy’s favorite fishing pond, but I was not there to witness it. It was a boys’ day. No girls were invited. So along with talking baseball and playing Brick Breaker, we can now add catching catfish at the Muse Family Farm to Alex and Andy’s growing list of father-son bonding activities. I always knew this day would come – when hanging out with dad is cooler than hanging out with me – and I am sure increased mother-son separation will keep us out of therapy in the long run. So I am not going to complain and will not let myself be jealous (Alex will still come to me when he needs a glass of milk, a ride to the pediatrician and a good hug after a bad dream). I’ll let Andy have this, but now I just need to convince him that taking at least 10 photos and jotting down a few notes – like Alex reeled in three fish, with one measuring over 24 inches long – is helpful in documenting any inaugural outing and will keep me in the loop … even from the outside looking in.
I am pretty sure I woke up in the twilight zone today (and it has nothing to do with my favorite teen-age vampire book). The kids slept in well past 8:30. The kids are being nice to each other. The kids stood in line patiently at Starbucks. Alex is now quietly playing with his Leapster. Avery is now quietly checking out random Shrek video clips on YouTub.com (and hopefully nothing else too inappropriate). And I am sipping my coffee in peace, while watching more TLC house hunting and home improvement shows than I have all year.
A friend of mine who is also a remote worker (and also with Avnet and conicidetnly lives in Yellow Spring, Ohio), posted this article, “Debunking the Myths of the Telecommute,” on Facebook the other week. I loved it and thought it captured the good and the bad that comes with telecommuting. It is not all coffee with the girls, kid-free trips to Target and afternoon bike rides (we just have the flexibility for that). It is also about phone calls during dinner, the urge to check e-mail at 5:00 am and turning your back (literally) on your kids to finish giving a presentation. It creates challenges at both ends, because no matter how hard you try to focus or even hide within your Pottery Barn furnished office (or the bedroom closet), there is always going to be something cutting into your commitments to family and your co-workers.
As for the article, I just want to know how she taught her kids to pantomime or whisper, instead of screaming through the french doors when they have a question or need or just want to share your workspace to play online Disney games or check the 10 day weather forcast.
I did it. I had one of those giant, inflatable, over the top, bouncy things in my front yard for the kids’ birthday party. Never thought I would. But had never heard a little boy two weeks short of turning five ask why his party is not at Run, Jump and Play like all his others friends at school.
So yes, I caved. It was all about the guilt I was feeling for making Alex – without a choice in matter – share his FIFTH birthday with his little sister. And despite the fact I usually get them separate cakes, it just didn’t seem like enough this time. From what I am learning, number five is a big deal and is usually the kick-off to big kid birthday mania (parties with no parents - other than those hosting - and parties with plenty of bowling, movie theaters, zoo trips and organized fun zones). So because I suddenly felt like I was cutting a few too many corners by inviting family, friends and neighbors to my house on a single day in May for a double celebration (instead of everyone coming back a week later for a second helping of burgers and cake), I figured I could go a little over the top for a combo party.
The outcome: Both Alex, Avery, as well as their friends (and our friends) loved it! Take away the giant palm trees and the rent me sign and the fact it took up half my front yard, I could not pick a better party accessory - throw in fifteen glow bracelets and it lasted longer into the night than the Bad Juan margaritas. Even better was the fact the kids said (through a few leading questions) that the bounce house came in second behind celebrating with all the great people in their lives. And as long as Alex and Avery don’t protest too strongly, it is going to be tough for me to give up the one-size fits all birthday party/cook-out. But I promise to stay strong and hold my ground when it comes to clowns and ponies.
Click here for more pictures from birthday week 2010.
Last fall, Alex took a liking to the Bengals. We weren’t sure if he was really interested in football and supporting the home team, or just wanted to hang out with his dad on Sunday afternoons. It seemed he absorbed just the right amount of NFL-speak to hold a knowledgeable conversation, as if he was entertaining clients on the golf course or trying to get you into a used sedan. Sometimes he would even lead the dialogue … “hey dad, how do you think the Raven’s will do this weekend against the Browns? Their defense isn’t as strong as years past."
This spring was no different. He started watching the Reds with Andy, which again we first interpreted as daddy time, but we are now thinking this is really the budding of a life-long dedication to the Red Legs. We record all the games. He listens to them on the radio once in bed (like his father used to). He insists on checking MLB highlights every morning (goodbye Mickey Mouse Club House)! He too calls out “BRUUUUCE” in a low voice when Jay is up to bat or throwing a runner out at the plate. And he has declared that Joey Votto is the greatest player ever. He knows the lingo. He knows the rules. He loves all the numbers (runs, strikes, pitch count and batting averages). And his youthful (and probably naïve) optimism and enthusiasm for the Reds even has me interested again – I usually tune out after Opening Day. However, given Alex just turned five (today!), we hope we are not enabling years of devoted misery (again, like his father), and for that I apologize now to his future wife. But until then, we’ll enjoy watching him grow up as an avid baseball fan. Happy Birthday Alex!
Anyone who knows me knows I have a few quirks. Most of them related to routines and cleaning, and I may be most obsessive about making all the beds in the house before I leave in the morning. I can’t stand the idea of coming home to that “mess” or not coming home at all for some unforeseen reason and having family and friends discover my beds unmade. And although it has caused numerous moments of frustration as I am frantically trying to get the kids dressed, brush my, teeth and tuck in the corners of my sheets, I push through it every day for my own sanity. And now, with Avery turning 3 (today!), yet being the size of a 4 year old, we made the final conversion of her crib from a toddler bed to a big girl bed, which means I have one more full size comforter and four pillows to deal with (plus the obstacle of the Safety 1st bed rail.) This also triggered an impromptu update to the nursery – I guess I should no longer call it that – finally giving me a good excuse to remove all things baby, like the changing pad (she is 95% potty trained and we hadn’t changed a diaper on it since she was six months old), the rocker (a bad habit that I am going to miss) and the small library of baby-how-to books (we are way past “What to Expect the First Year”).
However, I am not going to complain as it warranted a mini-shopping trip at Pottery Barn Kids and I love all that comes with watching the kids grow up. Happy Birthday Avery!
After posting my no whining list the other day, a friend reminded me of my original “house rules” created over year ago when I was religiously watching Jo Frost (aka. Supernanny) to find new ways to make my kids behave. I immediately became a fan of her lists and schedules to keep everyone on track, despite the fact we still get derailed pretty frequently. And it looks like I only posted these rules on Facebook (and the refrigerator), so I thought I would recycle them for the blog. Surprisingly, 16 months later, they still make sense and I can only think of one new rule to add (thanks to Star Wars and BW3s) - no guns or NRA memberships, please!
1. No hitting or pushing. 2. No drawing on anything but paper, driveways, a whiteboard or a chalkboard. 3. No biting or pinching. 4. No throwing food or making a baby mess. 5. No whining or screaming. 6. Don’t say the word “stupid.” 7. Always share. 8. Always say please and thank you. 9. Always listen to mommy or daddy (or any other adult/care giver). 10. No going outside without mommy or daddy. 11. No donuts at nighttime. 12. No playing on the steps. 13. No playing in the street. 14. No playing in the woods or by the creek (except when crossing the Festa / Infantino bridge with an adult). 15. No standing or jumping on beds or furniture. 16. No playing with electrical cords or light sockets. 17. No playing with matches or candles. 18. No talking to mommy while she is on a work call. 19. Do not get out of bed after bedtime (except to go potty). 20. No slamming doors or toys (or making extremely loud noises in general). 21. Always sit at the table for dinner. 22. No spitting. 23. No teasing younger siblings or kids. 24. Don’t say “I hate you” or “I don’t like you.” 25. No playing in the office – do not touch the computer, phone, printer, fax machine, etc. 26. Do not play with the TV power button. 27. Always wear a seat belt. 28. Never open a car door while the car is in motion. 29. Always tell the truth. 30. Always recycle. 31. No playing with iPods, cameras or cell phones (except when given to you by mommy or daddy). 32. No playing with stamps – they are not stickers! 33. McDonalds and chocolate milk are special treats. 34. Always clean the toy room before bedtime. 35. No using curse words. 36. No telling anyone they have a big butt. 37. Always eat apple sauce with a spoon. 38. Always wash your hands before dinner and after using the bathroom. 39. Don’t throw clothes out of the laundry basket once clean and folded. 40. Bubbles baths are only on weekends.
Usually in my attempt to be a hands off mom, I think I end up doing more. So my philosophy to a relaxing and enjoyable Mother’s day weekend is to lower my expectations ... and don't plan on being waited on hand and foot, but just try to be happy whenever everyone else is happy. That equals a bit of same old same old (let’s face it, when a little girl falls into the muddy creek in her favorite green dress behind the Hunterwood woods on Friday night, you can’t wait until Monday to do laundry), and although the weekend wrapped up with Avery watching Dora, Andy watching baseball and Alex playing baseball, it was filled with plenty of family time (a five hour lunch at Silver Spring House with the Foleys), nap time (a record two and a half hours for me), center-of-attention time (can’t complain about waking up to flowers, a card, a Grande Mocha and two smiling kids), hiking time (three trails and over 60 minutes spent at Fort Ancient) and dinner time (nothing beats road side, fire-pit BBQ) … all of which made me very happy. Click here to see more pictures.
As a full-time working mom there are two ways to deal with the hours you are away from your kids. First, you can try to re-live it all third-hand through formal day sheets, status reports or intense Q&A with the teacher or care giver, obsessing over and demanding details on every moment and activity – What did they eat? When did they last poop? How many hours, minutes and seconds was their nap? Who did they sit by during science class? Who didn’t they play with at recess? How many times did they laugh? How many times did they cry? Were they happy, grumpy, sleeping, sneezy, bashful or dopey?
The other method, which is directly opposite and the one I follow, relies on a singular simple question: “Did they have a good day?” I realize this might lead to some follow-up dialogue pending the answer, but it seems to give me a general feeling about how their time was spent and their overall physical and mental health – please note, I do welcome updates on “critical” injuries, illness and meltdowns. You might think this is too relaxed or that I am a bit indifferent to how they spend their eight hours while I am hacking away at a keyboard and watching Live Meeting presentations. So first, let me say I really do care. But second, I really don’t want to know. From highlights – Alex rolled over! – to lowlights – Avery threw up! – I don’t need a detailed summary of what I am missing. It’s tough to know you were not there for baby milestones or that someone else held your sick child for three hours, because I do believe those are a things I am supposed to witness and take care of, and therefore to hear them after the fact is just salt in the wounds.
However, there is one exception to this rule – a day at the zoo. Because nowhere in my mental motherhood manual is strolling through a humid park of caged animals noted as a job requirement and, to be perfectly honest, I am not a “zoo” person – it smells, it is dirty, it is crowded with patrons I don’t want to brush up against (or even look at), and most importantly, it is filled with animals and animals do nothing for me (not even the ones that are supposed to cute and furry). But I hear that kids love the zoo – and I guess my kids do too – so I am very thankful that zoo passes and frequent trips down to Dana Avenue are part of the grandparents’ routine and I only get to experience it through Eric Carle-like recaps of waddling penguins, roaring lions and monkeys waving their arms. Alex and Avery did go to the Cincinnati Zoo yesterday. Sounds like they had a blast and Grandma Muse took a few photos, which I didn’t mind hearing or seeing.
As a follow up to my post from last week, I created a “No Whining” list with the kids. Once again, a big thank you to the fabulous, British parenting advice that projects from my TV. So this exercise was a way to document all the activities they whine over and should not, with the intent to drive proactive, positive behavior instead of my reactive, robot-like response of “seriously, is that really something to whine about?”
To complete this task, I asked both Alex and Avery to think back over the past few days (and weeks) and tell me some of the bad choices (to steal a favorite word from daycare) that they might have made and complained about. Surprisingly, they were extremely eager to participate – probably because I was before them teacher-like, with a blank sheet of paper and a black Sharpie in hand – and they quickly started throwing out answers like they were in a creative brainstorming session on Madison avenue. Overall, I was impressed with the list (proves they do listen every now and then), as it was filled with a variety of atypical activities and others that are unfortunately part of our daily routine.
No Whining About …
- Getting dressed in the morning
- Who is the leader or goes first
- Whether the windows are up and down in the car
- The color or type of bowl, cup, plate or spoon
- The color of our front door
- Not being allowed to browse YouTube
- Stuart Little or Stuart Little 2
- Who gets to sit by me on the couch
- Who gets to hand the pop-cycles to the checkout clerk at Target
- Why you cannot sit on the floor in the middle of UDF to scratch your foot
- Special treats
- Taking a bath at night
- The little things
Yes, Alex concluded with my all time favorite. Now I just need to make a list of the little things.
Not too much to report on this one. Wish I could give a play-by-play of Alex’s first trip to Andy’s favorite fishing pond, but I was not there to witness it. It was a boys’ day. No girls were invited. 
