Trade Offs

There are lots of trade offs as a parent. Most deal with what you give up outside the home to focus on your family inside the home. Some even say that once you give birth you are giving up your life for the lives of your little ones. I think that may be a bit extreme as I know I am personally, in order to keep my sanity in the long run, doing my best to hold on to my identity like Rose and Jack going down with Titanic.

But with parenting also comes the internal give-and-take between moms and dads. Some are major. Some are minor. Some are friendly. Some are wars. This isn’t the 1950s so the balance of duties no longer reflect the lives of Betty and Don Draper, but it is fair to say we are still not 50/50 in every household yet. Not even mine, despite my wishful thinking and plenty of women studies classes in graduate school. So therefore, I focus on the little wins, which usually feel big, and I become thankful for the few extra minutes (and less stress) at the end of my day.

Andy and I sat down at the negotiation table two nights ago. I traded the bedtime routine (two unwilling kids every night) for trash day (once a week) and feeding the dog (every morning). Overall, I feel like I (and Casey) came out ahead. And I also feel a bit more comfortable that everything that needs to get done is getting done. I trust the kids will eventually fall asleep (whether in bed or not), but I have yet to see the dog feed herself or the recycling bin wheel itself down the driveway. And luckily this new division of labor has freed up 9:00 – 9:20 p.m. EST for me to fold laundry, unload the dishwasher, pack school lunches, pick up the toy room, scrape applesauce of the kitchen table, take the dog out to pee, register Avery for gymnastics, review Alex’s homework, pick up the family room, check work email, check personal email, do another load of laundry, pour a glass of wine, etc.

Again, I will take a win – big or small. Every second counts.