Older Than I Am Younger

At one point in time your childhood is all you know. Then you move into your early 20s and it still serves as an anchor or comparison point because adolescence has made up so much of your life. But when you hit 36 (35 was easy) you have a major wake-up call that reminds you that you have been a responsible adult (or at least hopefully you have) just as long as you were a child. So I might argue I have not been a child since age 12 and my parents will probably argue I was still a child at age 24. So let’s use legal nomenclature … being a minor is now and forever will be a smaller part of my life than being of age.

At 18 you realize you are supposed to be dependable, not dependent. And although voting and legally buying cigarettes are consider perks to some, it does come with the heavy burden of also being trustworthy, answerable, accountable, liable, chargeable and solvent (according to my tattered Roget’s College Thesaurus). Luckily in my case, I could cheat a bit on some of those over the years as true – or call it an ubber sense of – responsibility does not set in until you are subject to late night feedings, 529 accounts and an open tab at Baby Gap. And yes, these activities were not a part of my life until I was at the young age of 31. So why in five short years do I all of the sudden feel so old?

Old ... I do feel old. But not in a bad way, like I need to start lying about my age (forever 29) or scheduling Botox (although laugh lines at age 16 are truly just wrinkles at 36), but in the sense I have been around for a while. There are no more excuses. I set my own course – good or bad – and have to ownership for it. I am no longer the young kid at work getting applauded for above average performance. Now it is just expected of me. I am no longer the new parent reading my way through the first 36 months. Now I have to make and own all my decisions. I am no longer an athlete. Now I am just one of the morning runners.

So how does one celebrate turning 36 and all the self-redefinement that comes with it? You live in the moment and do something you have not done before. It is very easy to try and hold onto something when it doesn’t feel distant. But in this case with so much time passed, what is now close is our family and our simple life if the suburbs (still and might always struggle with the later). So it was an easy decision to scrap the idea of cocktails and concert tickets and schedule a family road trip to Indy. Only time will tell – inlcuding our patience this weekend and my memory at middle age – if this will be something we try to re-live 18 years from now.