Boys Like Cars; Girls Like Dolls

After all my feminist writings in college and gender equity rants in my 20s, I cannot believe I am now back pedaling and somewhat apologetically changing my position on the nature vs. nurture debate. Oddly, I have always felt (and my feelings seemed validated by both readings and personal testimonies) that one’s sexual preference is a biological decision, not a choice or a direct result of big sisters dressing up little brothers in skirts, make up and high heels – so I am not addressing that issue today and sticking to my stance – but on the flip side I was always willing to quickly blame the longstanding sexual stereotypes and basic genderization of our society that forces interests, expectations and desires on boys and girls. Sure, this view point stemmed from critically reviewing the major traditions of feminist theory (in Marilyn Fryes The Politics of Reality or Susan Faludi’s Stiffed), but also because I simply stocked shelves at The Children’s Palace Toy Store the summer after my sophomore year in high school and there literally was a “boys” aisle and a “girls” aisle.

However, now that I am a firsthand witness to my own test case (one boy and one girl emerging out of toddlerhood), things are looking a little different. And sadly, I would not be considered an independent researcher, and would even think my biased influence (or general lack of understanding around “girly” things) should be pointing Avery toward Hot Wheels, Baseballs and Transformers. Instead, she is all about baby dolls and princesses. I am still trying to trace the route of these interests (which are turning into obsessions). Is it Disney movies? Is it the “touristy” Saugatuk t-shirt from two summers ago? And since I feel like we have done very little to push her in this direction, I can only assume there is something innate that makes her head spin when we walk down the Princess / Barbie / Dora / Baby Alive aisles at Target (Alex in turn was frothing at the mouth over Star Wars space ships and more Tonka garbage trucks).

Now, I am not going to claim I am fully innocent in this situation as once Avery’s likings of mini nursery items and glittery crowns were apparent, we might have continued to fuel the fire by suggesting a Tinkerbelle costume for Halloween or recommending a new Fisher Price double jog stroller as a birthday gift. But you also want your kids to happy and we already knew those things would do the trick.

So I don’t if I will ever get to the bottom of it. And by no means am I letting society off the hook or even myself (we are now in a bad habit of telling Avery she looks like a princess). But my new theory is that there are some natural tendencies that are further evoked by gender based commentary, media and consumables. I’ll keep looking for the right balance, starting with indoor soccer in December and a new Doll House for Christmas. We’ll see which one prevails.