10 Things I Hate About Soccer

If Shakespeare had an athletic, yet complex and sensitive son, I am sure the bard would have at least witnessed, maybe not written about, the same set of complaints that I heard from Alex before, during and after his first big boy soccer practice. I was hoping for a smooth transition given his years with the Cincy Lil’Kickers, but instead of preparing the kids for the next level, I think his toddler indoor soccer class might have set some false expectations. As of last week, here are the reasons why our season may be ending before it begins.

1. Soccer Socks – They are too big and they do not have penguins on them.
2. Practice – According Alex, he already “knows how to play and does not need to practice.”
3. 5:30 Practice Time – It is easy to be late when mom thinks it starts at 6:30 and when Alex refuses to get out of the car.
4. Parking Lot – It is not close enough to the field, and therefore Alex can not watch practice from the comfort of his Graco booster seat.
5. Paint on the Grass – Who can concentrate on the game when they are worried about how the white lines got on the field?
6. Outside – Florescent lighting, artificial turf and the constant smell of sweat seemed to be preferred over sunshine, a slight breeze and fresh air.
7. Competitiveness – No one ever took the ball away from Alex when he was feeding the hippos at soccer class.
8. Parents – They are all looking at Alex (according to him).
9. Me – Nothing I do is ever right.
10. No Playing on the Playground – This is a rule I had to enforce when a shiny swing set caught his attention and trumped the coach, his teammates and my $60 check to the LSYA.